So You're Tied Up...now what?

When X and I first started having playtime, oh so many moons ago, one mistake I made was assuming he needed to be "entertained" all the time. I'd tie him up, like he wanted, but then I'd keep myself crazy busy continuing to stimulate him. I'd run out of ideas, I'd get frustrated, and I'd end the scenario before either of us was really satisfied.

But guess what? If your lover likes being tied up, this is a stimulation in and of itself! I've played with the timing of it and I've learned that I can tie X up and leave him completely alone - not even be in the room - for 15-20 minutes. What do I do during that time? Anything I want. Finish watching a show. Read some erotica or watch some porn to get myself more in the mood. Masturbate so I'm finished and can better focus on him. Call my mom. Anything you want.

If you want to try tying your lover up and leaving him alone, there's a couple things to keep in mind.
1. If you're using new restraints or a new restraint system, it's better to stay in the room just to make sure your lover isn't uncomfortable or in pain. You want to tease him, not torture him.
2. X likes the idea of being tied up and left alone, but in practice, he likes to be able to call for me if he needs me. To that end, I never gag him when I plan to leave him alone. I tie him up and blindfold him, but I leave his mouth free and I stay in the next room just to make sure I can hear him.
3. You can do a lot with "check ins." Say you're trying this for the first time. Tie your lover up and leave him alone for 3-5 minutes. Come back in and talk to him and touch him. Make sure he's still riled up (he will be). Then leave again for 5-7 minutes. Repeat. You can keep someone going for easily a half hour this way and it's not boring at all. It keeps his interest piqued with minimal effort on your part.

This can also work really well if he's interested and you're not. So your lover wants to play. Fine. Tie him up and do something to get yourself in the mood. Read or watch something sexy. Touch yourself. Touch your lover. But he's a captive audience and will be good and ready for you when you are.

Using all the Tools

One problem I had with tying X up originally was that once he's bound, he pretty much can't pleasure me. I can make love to him, but his hands and his mouth are caught up, which limits a lot of what he can do. In addition, we're bound to pretty much one position. All of that can get a bit...dull. Sex needs to be about give and take and we need to make sure we vanillas get some of what we want as well.

Solution: untie him! Hear me out. I talked this through with X and have tried it and it works great. Start with basic make outs. Then tie him up in whatever fashion suits you. Play with him, tease him, and bring him as close to orgasm as possible without going over. Then  unbind him and let the kindled passion assist the two of you in coitus/manual/oral/whatever you demand of your sub. Once you've gotten enough, retie him and finish him off in whatever fashion works for you.

Doing things this way not only makes sure you're both satisfied, but it also gives you a chance to play with more toys in a single session, keeping the interest going. Give it a shot!

Article: How the Addams Family Does BDSM Right

Offbeat Home has done another great article, this time on looking at BDSM in one of our favorite couples, Morticia and Gomez Addams. Check it out!

And we're back!

Hello dear readers! I'm back from my amazing honeymoon with my amazing husband. I could go on and on about how awesome Hawaii was and how incredible X is, but you really don't need to hear all that.

Today's topic is based on a conversation X and I had. Some people want to achieve orgasm as their goal. They want it fast, they want it now and then they want to go on with their day. (I dated a guy in college who insisted on playing video games after sex. That was weird.) That's stereotypically the "male" way of looking at things. Then you have the stereotypically "female" way of looking at things, where we want foreplay and lots of interactions before coming.

X, it turns out, is more the latter. Sure, he likes orgasming - who doesn't? - but it's more about the journey there and the tease and suspense before the release than anything else. We've been together for four years and this was the first time he'd really opened up about this. But that's amazing information to have! So in our next encounters, I played with bringing him close to coming and then stopping and just leaving him hanging. It was cruel. He loved it. Eventually, I finished him off, but I took my sweet time. He said it was incredible.

Example: we kissed for a little bit. Then we put his mask on him, complete with gag. He lay his head down in my lap and I just watched TV for a bit while letting my hands roam all over him as I felt like it. Sometimes it was just playing with his chest hair. Sometimes it was more. But that situation - having his mask on and being in a subordinate position, thrilled him. It wasn't that much work and was easy for a vanilla person to do. 

So, in your never-ending pursuit of good sexual communication with your partner, I challenge you to ask him how much foreplay he wants. Does he want to just get to the good part or does he enjoy the build-up? Does she want to be teased or does that get her out of the mood? And if your partner's not sure what he wants, experiment with both and get feedback! It's an excuse for more playtime and who can object to that?

Honeymoon! BRB

Well good readers, I'm writing this advance, which means I'm coming to you...from the past! It's time travel! Freaky! By now, X and I are on our honeymoon, having an amazing time on a tropical island. Posts will resume with lots of new ideas, tips, and reviews on Monday, September 21st.

In the meantime, read the archives, post a few comments, and I'll be seeing you soon!

Article: BDSM DIY

Offbeat Home did an article focusing on how to use basic household furniture and items as BDSM tools. Check it out!

Honeymoon Packing

X and I are getting married on Saturday and couldn't be happier. We've planned an amazing two week honeymoon somewhere tropical. We plan to spend time relaxing on the beach, watching the sunset, reading, and having a lot of sex. Because, come on, honeymoon.

So what does a vanilla/chocolate couple pack for a two week romantic getaway? 

-4 leather cuffs and collar

-Mask with gag (leather, gag is removable)

-Spandex mask (no gag)

-locks/keys (to be used with pretty much everything else)

-Sleeves (a set of soft leather sleeves that attach over the back by a leather strap. His arms go in the sleeves, then they get buckled across his front, straight jacket style, leaving him very comfortable and very constricted at once)

-Riding crop, paddle, flogger (not to be used in every encounter, but an excellent spice to a scenario)

-Padded bit gag (a standard gag that buckles around the back of the head, with a soft leather bit, like a horse, for him to bite)

-Condoms, lube (gotta haves)

-Nipple clamps (we use clothes pins. If you have good recommendations for something else, let me know!)

We won't use everything in every sitting, but that combination of easy to pack materials will give us more than enough variety to keep us entertained for two weeks. 

What do you bring on your romantic getaways?

Article: How to Share BDSM With A Vanilla Partner

Hey guys! Offbeat Home published an article I wrote! Check it out!

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