Hello dear readers! I'm back from my amazing honeymoon with my amazing husband. I could go on and on about how awesome Hawaii was and how incredible X is, but you really don't need to hear all that.
Today's topic is based on a conversation X and I had. Some people want to achieve orgasm as their goal. They want it fast, they want it now and then they want to go on with their day. (I dated a guy in college who insisted on playing video games after sex. That was weird.) That's stereotypically the "male" way of looking at things. Then you have the stereotypically "female" way of looking at things, where we want foreplay and lots of interactions before coming.
X, it turns out, is more the latter. Sure, he likes orgasming - who doesn't? - but it's more about the journey there and the tease and suspense before the release than anything else. We've been together for four years and this was the first time he'd really opened up about this. But that's amazing information to have! So in our next encounters, I played with bringing him close to coming and then stopping and just leaving him hanging. It was cruel. He loved it. Eventually, I finished him off, but I took my sweet time. He said it was incredible.
Example: we kissed for a little bit. Then we put his mask on him, complete with gag. He lay his head down in my lap and I just watched TV for a bit while letting my hands roam all over him as I felt like it. Sometimes it was just playing with his chest hair. Sometimes it was more. But that situation - having his mask on and being in a subordinate position, thrilled him. It wasn't that much work and was easy for a vanilla person to do.
So, in your never-ending pursuit of good sexual communication with your partner, I challenge you to ask him how much foreplay he wants. Does he want to just get to the good part or does he enjoy the build-up? Does she want to be teased or does that get her out of the mood? And if your partner's not sure what he wants, experiment with both and get feedback! It's an excuse for more playtime and who can object to that?