Book Resources

Workbooks, Guidebooks, and How-Tos

• The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships  by Randy J. Paterson

Amazing book all about how to communicate with people. Communication is key to a successful sex life, as well as to every other aspect of life. Read it, practice it. You'll thank me later.

• Better Sex Through Yoga: Easy Routines to Boost Your Sex Drive, Enhance Physical Pleasure, and Spice Up Your Bedroom Life  by Jacquie Noel Greaux and Jennifer Langheld

This is an amazing yoga book for both men and women. True, all the pictures are of women, but don't be fooled by that - the moves work the same. The routines are a 2 or a 3 on a 5 point scale of difficulty, so you do need to be a little bit in shape before trying them, but they're great and they really do work wonders for your sex life. In the back of the book is a list of different positions and each exercise is linked to a position - you want to get better at X position, try Y exercise. It works really well!

• The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance by Mistress Lorelei 

A very practical analysis of the role of the dominatrix. This book has lots of great info, including things like how many paddle strokes is ideal, how to use toys, etc. X got this for me when I had questions and it certainly had answers! It focuses a lot on the different kinds of dominatrices and what you want to be for your slave. There's a lot on roleplay as well. This is a great book to read if you want to get a wide exposure to the genre to help you figure out what you are and are not interested in.

What X and I did was we both read it and then we compared notes. We talked about all the scenarios that Mistress Lorelei talked about and whether or not X found them arousing. Having the book to guide our conversation made it a lot easier to talk about all the ideas and concerns we had. 

• How to Be A Great Lover: Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques that Will Blow His Mind by Lou Paget

This was my first sex book and I swear by it. It's full of how-tos and explanations on how to make your man happy, including oral, manual, and anal. It's a very positive, friendly book with lots of pictures and clear explanations. It's all vanilla, but you need to know how to do this stuff if you're going to be able to make it any spicier - and better - with the added BSDM element.

Non-Fiction 

• Whip Smart: The True Story of a Secret Life by Melissa Febos

Well written book about one woman's journey in and out of the life of a professional dominatrix. I read it because I wanted to see more perspective of a woman as the dom. It was the situation I found myself in, but most of the literature I was finding was as the man as the dom and I wanted a female perspective. It's very well written and provides insight into a lot of different scenarios. My only criticism of it is that her dom lifestyle is something she grows out of as she sorts her life out and I disagree with the idea that it's something you have to grow out of. Perhaps you will. But perhaps it's a deep part of you. Both are okay.

• The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, & Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

If you've ever had any questions about polyamory, anything from "Why do people choose it?" to "How do I..." this book is an excellent resource. It talks about the challenges, joys, misconceptions, and truths of polyamory. It talks about how to handle jealousy, which is something even monogamous people can learn from. I read this book in college and it helped me understand a lot more about my poly friends. I definitely recommend it if you're trying to understand or get into a poly lifestyle.

Fiction

• Bitten: Dark Erotic Stories edited by Susie Bright 

  I've been going through this book the same way I go through a box of truffles: savoring one at a time on special occasions. It's well written fantasy erotica. Some of the stories are better than others, like any anthology. But all of them are creative and exciting.

• Dark Lover by J.R. Ward 

Incredibly engaging vampire novel with hot sex scenes. The pacing is great, the characters are believable, the action is good. The names are incredibly campy and she refers to genitals as their "sex" but other than that, definitely worth a read. I'll be getting the sequel.  

• The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice (writing as A.N. Roquelaure)

  I picked up this book because it combines fairie tales and sex, two things I'm interested in. Unfortunately, it's basically a story of denigration, abuse, and rape. It shows a culture of BDSM, but at no point do either of the main subs, Prince Alexi or Beauty, give their consent. If anything, it shows how much pain and suffering they go through before they accept that it is their place to be so abused and that they love their captors for it. In the end, Beauty has an act of final rebellion by standing up for herself and is given the most severe punishment the court can think of. This is not the depiction of a healthy BDSM relationship. It is deranged and abusive. The sex scenes are hot, but knowing all along that not all parties are consenting makes it basically glorified rape. Look elsewhere for your erotica.