Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty...

My original plan for this post was to post all about the vagina. I was going to find a great anatomical picture and put it under a link and talk about the different parts - what they do, what they're called, what to do with them...and then I found out that Oh Joy Sex Toy had already done that!

So here is a link to their guide to the vagina and also, helpfully, how to eat pussy. This is helpful both in instructing your partner and in pleasuring others. Check it out!

And just so you don't think I'm just giving you links all the time, here is the first of "The Vagina Monologues" in which many terms for the vagina are discussed.

I BET YOU'RE WORRIED.

I WAS WORRIED.

THAT'S WHY I BEGAN THIS PIECE.

I WAS WORRIED ABOUT VAGINAS.

, I WAS WORRIED WHAT WE THINK ABOUT VAGINAS

AND I WAS EVEN MORE WORRIED

THAT WE DON'T THINK ABOUT THEM.

I WAS WORRIED ABOUT MY OWN VAGINA.

IT NEEDED A CONTEXT, A COMMUNITY,

A CULTURE OF OTHER VAGINAS.

THERE IS SO MUCH DARKNESS AND SECRECY SURROUNDING THEM,

LIKE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE,

NOBODY EVER REPORTS BACK FROM THERE.

IN THE FIRST PLACE,

IT'S NOT SO EASY TO EVEN FIND YOUR VAGINA.

WOMEN GO DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS, WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT.

I INTERVIEWED A HIGH-POWERED BUSINESSWOMAN,

SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDN'T HAVE TIME.

LOOKING AT YOUR VAGINA SHE SAID, IS A FULL DAY'S WORK.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET DOWN THERE, ON YOUR BACK,

IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR, FULL-LENGTH PREFERRED.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET IN THE PERFECT POSITION,

, WITH THE PERFECT LIGHT

WHICH THEN BECOMES SHADOWE D BY THE ANGLE YOU'RE AT.

YOU'RE TWISTING YOUR HEAD UP, ARCHING YOUR BACK,

IT'S EXHAUSTING.

SHE WAS BUSY.

SHE DIDN'T HAVE TIME.

SO, I DECIDED TO TALK TO WOMEN ABOUT THEIR VAGINAS.

THEY BEGAN AS CASUAL VAGINA INTERVIEWS,

AND THEY TURNED INTO VAGINA MONOLOGUES.

I TALKED WITH OVER 200 WOMEN.

, I TALKED TO YOUNGER WOMEN, OLDER WOMEN, MARRIED WOMEN

LESBIANS, SINGLE WOMEN,

I TALKED TO COLLEGE PROFESSORS, CORPORATE PROFESSIONALS,

ACTORS, SEX WORKERS.

I TALKED TO AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN,

ASIAN-AMERICAN WOMEN, HISPANIC WOMEN,

NATIVE-AMERICAN WOMEN, CAUCASIAN WOMEN,

JEWISH WOMEN.

AT FIRST, WOMEN WERE A LITTLE SHY,

A LITTLE RELUCTANT TO TALK.

BUT ONCE THEY GOT GOING, YOU COULDN'T STOP THEM.

WOMEN LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEIR VAGINAS, THEY DO.

THEY REALLY DO.

MAINLY BECAUSE NO ONE'S EVER ASKED THEM BEFORE.

LET'S JUST START WITH THE WORD VAGINA.

VAGINA.

IT SOUNDS LIKE AN INFECTION AT BEST.

. MAYBE A MEDICAL INSTRUMENT

"HURRY, NURSE, BRING ME THE VAGINA."

VAGINA.

VAGINA.

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU SAY THE WORD,

IT NEVER SOUNDS LIKE A WORD YOU WANT TO SAY.

IT'S A COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS,

TOTALLY UNSEXY WORD.

IF YOU USE IT DURING SEX, TRYING TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

YOU KILL THE ACT RIGHT THERE.

I'M WORRIED WHAT WE CALL IT AND DON'T CALL IT.

IN GREAT NECK, NEW YORK, THEY CALL IT A "PUSSYCAT".

A WOMAN TOLD ME THERE, HER MOTHER USED TO TELL HER,

"DON'T WEAR PANTIES, DEAR, UNDERNEATH YOUR PAJAMAS,

YOU NEED TO AIR OUT YOUR PUSSYCAT."

IN WESTCHESTER, THEY CALL IT A "POOKIE".

IN NEW JERSEY, A "TWAT".

THERE'S "POWDER BOX",

A "POOCHI", A "POOPI",

A "PEE-PEE", A "POOPALU",

A "POONINANA" AND A "PICHE".

THERE'S "TOADIE", "DEE-DEE",

"NISHI", "DIGNITY",

"COOCHIE SNORCHER",

"COOTER", "LABBE",

"GLADYS SIEGELMAN",

"VA",

"WEE-WEE", "WHORESPOT",

"NAPPY DUGOUT", "MONGO",

"MONKEY BOX", "PAJAMA",

"FANNYBOO", "MUSHMELLOW",

"GHOULIE", "POSSIBLE",

"TAMALE", "TOTTITA", "CONNIE",

A "MIMI" IN MIAMI,

A "SPLIT KNISH" IN PHILADELPHIA.

AND A "SCHMENDE" IN THE BRONX.

I AM WORRIED ABOUT VAGINAS.