Long Distance - How to Make it Work

Part of X's very successful career is travel - he's gone for two weeks, then home for two weeks, then away for two weeks, and repeat. We've been doing this for about seven months now. I won't lie - it's hard. I mean, it's nice to watch all the shows I like to watch that he doesn't and to eat all the food I want that he doesn't like. But I miss my lover in the emotional and the physical ways. When you love someone, they infiltrate your life, like a scent. They follow you wherever you go and you miss it when they're gone.

So how do you keep the romance alive while your partner is gone?

1. Schedule time to talk. For us, this is a little tricky because he travels to the west coast, a three hour time difference for us. By the time he gets home from work, it's time for me to go to bed. But on the weekends, we connect and we chat over gchat for hours. Tell each other about the little things - where you went to eat last night, what book you're reading, what you're watching on TV and what you think of it. And don't be afraid to get a little sexy. I'm not saying you  have to get into phone/chat sex (not everyone is into that). But remind your partner of something he did that was really hot just to remind him that you're thinking of him in that way.

2. Do online shopping together. Through the power of the internet, you can be looking at the same things at the same time. It's magic! So look around for toys or outfits you think your partner would like and email them to him. Say "I was thinking I could order this for when you get back. What do you think?" He'll love that you're thinking of him that way and will definitely want to give helpful input.

3. Email each other on the schedule that works for you. For some people, this is a few times a day. For some people, it's once every few days. But even a quick "I did your laundry and I was thinking of you. Hope you're having a good day." will make your partner smile.

Finally, for those of you who are working with a long-distance loved one, here are a few things to do to pass the time better:

1. Be selfish. While X is gone, I binge watch shows he hates. I order the pizza he doesn't like. I stay up later than he likes and I sleep in later than he can. I indulge in Me Time because I can. If you  think of ways to treat yourself, it isn't as bad.

2. Schedule time to see people. You have friends. Go out and see them. Ask them to come over. If you have friends who aren't in common with your love one's, so much the better. For example, this week, I'm having a big knitting night, where friends are coming over for dinner and knitting together. It's the kind of thing X would get out of the way of. But he's not here. So girls night abounds!

3. Schedule activities. It is far too easy to let inertia take control of you and to sit at home, watching TV, all night, every night, while your loved one is gone. Find activities. Go out to dinner with friends. Go to a movie. Go play on a playground. Go visit the library and read in public. Go to Starbucks and people watch. Find a club of people who like the same things you do and try it out. For me, I'm committing to going to the gym for a couple hours twice a week. It'll keep me active and working towards my health goals while keeping me distracted from my loneliness. It's a win-win!

4. Do something to surprise him when he gets back. For me, that's cleaning. Our house is a pit. But he loves to come home to a clean room. Note I said a clean "room" and not a clean "house." Cleaning a whole house is daunting, but even cleaning just one room can make a huge difference. If you don't live with your loved one, there are still things you can do. Make him cookies. Knit him a hat. Buy him a new movie. And then you can tease him with an "I have a surprise for you" that he can look forward to the whole time he's gone.
 
And remember, it's okay to be sad that your loved one is away from you. You love him. It makes sense that you miss him. But at least for X, he's away trying to do a job. He doesn't need me pining over him constantly and distracting him from the job he's trying to do. I tell him I miss him in an email once a day or so, then I get on with my life. If I feel the need to dither on, I talk to a friend or a journal. But keep the crazy off of your partner. Remember, it's hard for him too. Make it a little easier by staying upbeat and positive for him so he knows what a joy he's coming back to.

Review: Leather Strappings with D Rings

Recently X and I added Leather Strappings with D Rings to our toybox. We've only used them once so far, but here's what we think: they're great. We got two 2 foot, two 4 foot, and two 7 foot, all in 1.5 inch width. When we used them, we had X lie on his front with his hands at his sides. I used the 7 footers to go around his biceps and wrist/hip area, then the 4 footers to go around his knees and his ankles.

They're really easy to use. Basically if you can use a D ring belt, you can use these straps. If you don't know how to use a D ring belt, watch this SFW tutorial. You do have to pull them really tight because they'll loosen up just a little bit (but not too much) as your sub struggles. It's basically impossible to pull them TOO tight, so go wild.

X enjoyed the restraint for about a half an hour while I scratched his back and paddled him. Once I/we got bored with it, it was a simple process to get him out of it. They coil up for ease of storage and ease of retrieval.

I wouldn't call them a staple just yet, but if you're not experienced with ropes, I'd say they're definitely good tools to add to your toybox. Insta-bondage. Love it.

Menage a moi, anyone?

Menage a moi is my oh-so-fancy term for masturbation (menage a trois, but single...okay, I think it's funny and I matter). MAM is an important part of any partnership. I hear you - you ask me, why do we need masturbation if I have a partner? Here are some good reasons to include MAM in your sex life, partner or no.

In no particular order:
1. Your partner will not always be available or in the mood. MAM means you can satisfy your own needs and keep yourself happy.
2. You can learn what you like so you can teach your partner how to do it. Nothing is hotter than an informed partner and you can't trust your partner to know exactly what you want and need unless you teach him.
3. It can be a way to warm yourself up. If your partner is interested and you're not in the mood, one way to get in the mood is to start pushing your favorite buttons.
4. It's a safe way to experiment with techniques and toys before asking your partner to try them. If you want to try, say, being spanked, but you're not sure if you'd like it, try giving yourself a little swat and see how you like it. It's a lot better to try it yourself and have the chance to see what you think before your partner goes full hog on your ass.

And a few tips for getting the most out of it:
1. Give yourself time to play. There's a time and a place for just getting an orgasm as fast as possible, but there's also a time and a place for really enjoying your self-pleasure. Don't be afraid to take a good long time to play around and see what you like.
2. Try different positions. Lie on your front and see how that feels. Try kneeling on all fours. Try it on your back. See what you like.
3. Don't get frustrated if you don't get there. Sometimes you're just not in the mood no matter what you do - and that's okay! Learn what you can from the experience and move on with your day.
4. Don't just go for the junk. Try stroking your butt, your neck, your chest. Play with your nipples. You have two hands and it's okay to use them in different places.
5. Don't be afraid to get into it. Make noises. Get loud. Move your hips. Thrust. Really enjoy yourself. It's your time - get into it!

Furthermore, your partner may find it hot to watch you or to listen to you in MAM. What we like to do is to get X tied up, blindfolded, and gagged, and then I go to town on myself. It's absolute torture for him. He gets all riled up and super excited listening to me and feeling the vibrations of my movement next to him, but he can't do anything. He loves it. I keep going until I get bored and then I go work on him. It works for us.

Note for the ladies out there: the clitoris and the G-spot are very real things that can rock your world. If you're not familiar with them, look up where they are on the internet (or comment and I'll look it up for you) and enjoy!

If you've ever been interested in anal, but haven't tried it yet, MAM is the perfect time to try it out. There will be a long post on anal later, but if you do want to try it, use your finger and just see what happens. If you're worried about it being "gross" you can either (a) use a condom or (b) try it in the shower or bath.

Have fun!

New Toy!

X and I were talking and we decided to add a new set of tools to our toybox. We bought these straps. Essentially, they're leather straps with D rings on the ends. We bought them in three separate lengths with 1.5 inch width.

What will we use them for? Lots of things! But the big thing we want to start doing is to start hogtying X. I'm terrible with rope, so this seemed like the easiest way to get him bound up. We'll us them for ankles, knees, thighs, wrists, elbows, possibly biceps, and then a strap to link the whole thing together. I'll report back and let you know how they work with my first review!

Article: Safe Words in Mainstream Culture

Offbeat Home did an article on how safe words can be used in mainstream culture. Check it out!