Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Do You?

Time to talk about consent. This will be a short post because it's a pretty straightforward concept. Basically both (or more) partners in a scenario must be willing. This willingness needs to be established before playtime starts. It doesn't have to be a written contract. It can be an informal conversation. But you need to actually have that conversation.

If your partner isn't willing and you do it anyway, that's abuse and you need help.

This conversation is especially important if your partner is going to be play-resisting in any way. We all agree that No means No. But what happens when No means Keep Going and Australia means Stop? You have to have these conversations and to establish with your partner what your boundaries are.

Let's say you think your partner will be willing, but you want to surprise him. Spontaneity has its place. Unscripted play sessions can be fun. But the best advice I can give for someone who wants to be spontaneous is establish a safe word or "resistance protocol" (what means No?) and leave your partner ungagged so he has the freedom to protect himself.

What I've found is that conversations about what we'd like to try together can often become foreplay. You want to be detailed so you can make sure your partner is comfortable with the ideas. So you talk about it. You start exchanging ideas. You kiss. And bam, assuming you have a free afternoon, you have fresh ideas and a willing partner. Problem solved.

Get consent for anything you want to try.
Establish what No means.
Your partner always has the right to refuse, even if it's halfway into a scenario.

Have fun!

No comments:

Post a Comment