Are You Out?

Sex and sexuality is a huge part of our culture that we don't really talk about, which is a shame. I think we should be talking. Let's take sex-ed for example. My parents gave me the anatomy lesson from Day One, but they didn't talk about techniques, needs, orgasms, prevention, toys, etc. It was basically "this is how a penis and a vagina work together." I went to an all-girls Catholic school for high school; the most sex ed we got was "don't do it." I learned how to use a condom from a knowledgeable boyfriend. I didn't discover the clitoris until I was 19. These are things we should learn at a much earlier age so we can make the choice for ourselves as to how much to incorporate them into our lives.

When you add BDSM into a sex life, it adds a new level of complexity. People tend to have stereotypes and judgements - good or bad - preconceived. I never tell anyone that X is a sub. That's between him and me. Our parents don't know. Our siblings don't know. Our closest friends have a bare-bones idea, but we don't discuss toys or scenarios with them. We're private people and we keep that part of our lives to ourselves. I wouldn't be opposed to talking about my experiences with a girlfriend, but I'd coach it in terms of a "past boyfriend" and not a "current fiance." X never talks about his past engagements unless I directly ask him, and even then he's reticent. A gentlemen never kisses and tells, something like that.

So, are you out? Do you talk to your friends and family about your choice? Is it just something for the bedroom or is it a full lifestyle choice?What, if anything, do you teach your children?